The Cringe Threshold: Why Most People Fail Before They Even Reach the “Dip”

We’ve all been told about “The Dip”—that long, hard slog between starting a new hobby and becoming a master. But there is a phase that comes even before the dip. It’s the phase no one likes to talk about because it’s uncomfortable, messy, and deeply personal.

I call it the Cringe Threshold.

If you want to build a new skill, you have to be willing to look like an idiot for a little while. If you can’t survive the embarrassment of being a beginner, you’ll never earn the reward of being an expert.

1. You Can’t Cheat the Field

Before I started skill-building, I lived “in my head.” I was a nerd. I did well in school, but I was in my head a lot and I didn’t realize it until…

Then I joined the football team.

Football is a different world. It tests your body, mental toughness and also your intelligence in real time. The field is the ultimate exposer and truth-teller.

I remember running a 300-meter lap during off-season football training. I was out of shape compared to the rest of the team, gasping for air, and I simply stopped at the 3/4 mark. I was done. Or so I thought. My coach ran out, screaming at the top of his lungs. I started turning red and shit (which is wild for a black person). But in that moment of peak embarrassment, I started running again.

The Insight: I learned that day that my “limit” was a lie. I had more in the tank, but I needed the pressure of embarrassment to find it. Skill-building isn’t just about learning a craft; it’s about discovering you can push past the point where you thought you’d break.

2. The Vulnerability of the Big Stage

Once I moved into performing music, I hit a new Cringe Threshold. In a small room with ten friends, it’s easy to feel like a star. But when I stepped onto a stage in San Antonio in front of 300 people, the energy shifted.

I was playing R&B and Jazz, but I wasn’t singing loud enough. I could feel the frustration of the crowd. It was an agonizing, slow-motion train wreck. Eventually, a waitress—who happened to be an incredible singer—actually took the mic from me to save the set.

I could have quit music that night. I could have let that embarrassment define me. But I realized two things:

1. Feedback is a Gift: They weren’t being mean; they literally couldn’t hear me.
2. Vulnerability is Power: To “kill it” on a big stage, you have to stop trying to look good and start being vulnerable.

3. How to Survive the Beginning

When you are face-down on the ground and embarrassed, you have a choice. You can retreat to the safety of what you already know, or you can get desensitized to the “cringe.”

• Find your tribe: Go through the beginning with supportive people. It’s much harder to survive the Cringe Threshold if people are filming you for “WorldStar” or laughing at your failure.
• Earn the Locker Room Respect: In football, I eventually reached the level of the rest of the team. I didn’t play long-term, but I earned the respect of my peers because I stayed through the embarrassment.
• Audit your “Why”: I’ve lost money publishing books because I made what I liked rather than what the audience needed. That’s another form of embarrassment—the market telling you “No.” Listen to it.

The Bottom Line

Embarrassment is the price of admission. Every person you admire was once a “cringe-worthy” beginner. They didn’t have more talent than you; they just had a higher tolerance for looking foolish.

Next time you feel that heat in your chest and the urge to quit because you aren’t “good yet,” remember: You aren’t failing. You’re just paying the entry fee.